My Weight Loss Journey

I feel like I'm just floating through life and not really living it. Every day it's the same thing, get the kids up and out the door for school, have lunch with the hubby, kids and hubby come home from school/work, have dinner, hit the gym (most days)....rinse and repeat. I don't have anything that I'm excited about anymore. I used to be excited about going to the gym since I knew that I would be seeing the results in my body but for the last six months I have been losing and gaining the same 6-7 lbs over and over. Though I'm not giving up...I will get back to where I was a year and half ago.  I need to find the happiness I had a year or so ago. Not that I don't have happy times, but on a regular basis I can't say that. Here's to looking more into myself and get past this floating feeling of life. 

Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today... So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me. This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life.

Perception is a funny thing. Especially how we perceive ourselves. Lately I have a different perception of what I look like than what I actually look like. In my mind I still feel like what I did when I was 40 lbs lighter: When in reality I actually look like this: It might not be obvious to some but I can see the weight gain in my face, not to mention my whole body but I don't have any full body shots of what I look like now...I'm too embarrassed to take any. I really hate that when I get a look of myself in a mirror it's not the same imagine that I have in my head. It's very disappointing. But I have 2 choices: 1) stay this way and be happy with it or 2) kick my ass in gear and get the weight back off. And I choose option..... 2! This past week has helped a long way in getting the weight back off. I have kept my calories down and got my ass back in the gym. What is also helping is that I'm doing a Dietbet. I put in $25 dollars and bet that I could los