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The Past...

Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today...

So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me.

This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life. What I think threw me for a loop is that my husband asked me if I ever wanted to see this guy again. Why in the world would I ever want to see him, other to go up to him and tell him that my life is 100 times better now. Though I don't think I ever will do that, in fact if I ever do see him I would probably turn and go the other way. Though thankfully I don't think that I will ever see him again since I no longer live in my home town. 

My point is that what happens to us in our past, wither we were the ones who cause it or it happened to us, molds us into the people we are today. And I whole heartily believe that I am who I am because of my past. I'm better with my control issues since I have gotten into therapy. And out of all that I keep a tight control on I've never did on my's the one place that has been completely out of control. Maybe I need to let go of control in some areas and focus it on my eating. 

Sorry if this is a bunch of rambling, but its just the thoughts that have been running through my head over the last day....

Now I'm off to the gym....Later Dayz!!


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