Skip to main content

The Past...

Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today...


So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me.

This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life. What I think threw me for a loop is that my husband asked me if I ever wanted to see this guy again. Why in the world would I ever want to see him, other to go up to him and tell him that my life is 100 times better now. Though I don't think I ever will do that, in fact if I ever do see him I would probably turn and go the other way. Though thankfully I don't think that I will ever see him again since I no longer live in my home town. 

My point is that what happens to us in our past, wither we were the ones who cause it or it happened to us, molds us into the people we are today. And I whole heartily believe that I am who I am because of my past. I'm better with my control issues since I have gotten into therapy. And out of all that I keep a tight control on I've never did on my eating...it's the one place that has been completely out of control. Maybe I need to let go of control in some areas and focus it on my eating. 

Sorry if this is a bunch of rambling, but its just the thoughts that have been running through my head over the last day....

Now I'm off to the gym....Later Dayz!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Weight Progress in Photos

Starting Photo Weight of 237 lbs
(actual starting weight 242.4lbs)
Down 16 lbs to 221 lbs

Side by Side progress


Side profile of progress


Down another 16 lbs to 205 lbs


Side by side progress

Side profile of Progress

Down another 16lbs to 189 lbs


Side by side of progress


Side progile of progress


Down another 17 lbs to 172 lbs


Side by side of progress


side profile of progress


Total Progress from 237lbs to 172lbs

Side Profile of my progress from 237lbs to 172lbs

Opinions Needed/Wanted....

So, through out this whole process of me dropping this weight my one want, my one hope would be that my legs would slim down. When I was at my highest weight I carried my weight pretty much all over my body, though my stomach was very big, but so were my legs, arms, and face. And as I have dropped the weight I have lost the weight in my face, arms and stomach, but I feel that my legs are still as big as ever. When trying on pants I don't necessarily worry so much as if they will fit in the waist or being too long since I'm short I know I will always run into problems there, lol. No, my worry is if the pants are going to fit over my calves and thighs. My wish is to be able to wear calf length or even knee high boots this fall and with the size of my legs that wish isn't going to be coming true any time soon. Plus I've noticed that I'm either going to need to stick with floor length or above the knee dresses as anything that falls in between make my legs look stumpy …

2014 Update

It's been a while since I wrote a blog...almost a year in fact...

I have struggled so much with my weight over the last couple of years. I went from about 145 lbs up to 200 lbs. I'm back down in the 190's but so upset since I was so happy when I was in the 140s. I need to tighten my belt, for lack of better words, and get back to watching my diet and really and truly get back to counting calories since I know that works for me. 

What really is heart breaking for me is going up in size in clothing. I went from wearing a size 8 to a 14, now back down to 12. I hate buying new clothes when I ones I love just sitting in my closet now being worn.

The good thing this all is that I truly never gave up working out. I might have not been doing it at the intensity that I was in the past but that has change about 5 months ago. Five months ago I found CrossFit and fell in love. I have found through this program that it is very humbling and empowering. I have done more things that I have n…