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Eating my emotions....

I just love how stress, being upset, and every other emotion I have felt over the few days has brought out the inner fat girl in me. I have had great intentions every morning of getting in a great workout (which I have stuck to, with today's run being AWESOME) and then sticking to a good eating plan. Breakfast starts off great and then the day goes down the drain. Yesterday I bought a sinful brownie mix with caramel baked in it. Yep, that bad boy lasted last night and today. I polished off the whole thing. Made myself sick to my stomach, but I kept eating them. I glad now that they are gone. I'm so ready to get back to this seriously and drop the rest of the weight. Totally need to find another way to deal with all this emotions and not with chocolate! 


Count down is on for tomorrow morning's workout!!! Just need to make a plan for the "diet" portion and STICK to it! 


Onto be a better day and better things!!

So pissed....

Once again I won't be spending Thanksgiving with my family and being this close it really sucks big time. But again, my mother was behind it.


Last year (our first year back in 6 years) I had asked if Thanksgiving dinner could be moved up or down a couple of hours so that me, Ty, and the kids could see some of the his family too. But my mom wouldn't even ask my other aunts if that was possible. It wasn't that I was asking to do this every year, just our first year back. I asked why and she said that they were the older people and they got to make the decisions. So we stayed home here in Charleston.


So tonight I get a call from my mother saying that Thanksgiving has been moved from 3 to 1. I was like okay, fine. Then I asked why? She told me that my cousin is doing something with her dad that evening, something like cooking dinner around 5 or 6. Then it hits me, that this is pure BS....that they wouldn't move Thanksgiving for me but they will for my cousin. I got pissed an…

Stress and Judgements.....

So I have had a lot on my mind lately and this has been one of them and at times I think it stresses me out. And we all know how stress can affect our bodies, especially when we are trying to lose weight. I have only said this to maybe two people, one for sure. So here goes...


I have been wondering a lot lately who would stop wanting to hang out with me or even be my friend if I told them the truth about my religious beliefs. I don't believe in church and I don't believe in the bible, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe in GOD. I haven't really come to that decision yet. This also doesn't mean that I don't have morals and standards that I live myself by or my family. I don't judge those who do go to church or believe in the bible. They have every right to do so. And when people ask for prayers, I just say that I will keep them in my thoughts since I don't pray. 


But there are days where I just feel so weighted down by keeping this to myself, be…

Truth Time...

Time to be honest really. Ever since the 2nd week of October I have really fell off to the wayside with my workouts and eating healthy. I want to blame it all on the fact that I'm now a lot busier than I have been all year but honestly that isn't true. Yes, I am busier than normal. Every weekend except for the first one in October was filled with one activity after another. And yes, we have gone down to one car as I stated in my previous blog but I have let stupid reason stop me from making it to my workouts, like this past Monday I made it all the way to the gym when I realized I didn't have my "sweat towel" so I drove back home and let the fact that I was already home keep me from driving back. But then I have legitimate reasons for not making it like today, went outside to drive to the gym and our car wouldn't start. Luckily enough a friend of ours came over and jumped us off. But really I let the stupid excuses be there more and more than actually going. 


Life as it is today....

It's been a while since I have written a blog, even though I have been wanting to write one for a while now. But I think last night really set me off. My dad called me last night and we talked about normal family things and then right before we got off the phone he was asking me about my weight loss. He pissed me off by have the gall to get onto me about not getting to the gym as much as I should lately. Telling me how easy it is to gain the weight back. I hate when talks to me like I am a child, I'm 33 years old and have been at this weight loss journey for close to a year and half. Even with the slight gain of about 5 lbs or so I'm still down over 90 lbs over all. All my smallest size clothing still fits without any issues. 


Yes, I know that I have somewhat slacked at getting to the gym the last three weeks or so and I let my food choices not be what they should be and I will take all the responsibility of that. But I haven't given up totally. My life has changed a lo…

Going Shopping...

I went out shopping for a little bit yesterday afternoon. One of my main reasons was to get another pair of jeans...with the weather cooling down 1 pair wasn't going to cut it and the pair I have I love since they are really comfortable but they are on the long side and only look good with heels. So we headed out to the Tanger Outlets and to the American Eagle store. It's such a different experience to shop for clothing now then it was a year ago. I know my body type so I stayed away from the skinny jeans and hit up the boot cut and hipsters. I didn't see the boyfriend cut right away but I knew that they fit since I had tried them on about a month and half ago. I do have to say that it's still a bit shocking to have to not struggle to get the jeans up over my calves, hips and buttoned/zipped at the waist. I like the way that the boot cut looked more than the hipsters (which were a bit longer in the leg) so I held onto them until right before I left I found the boyfrien…

Time to kick some sucky week's @$$

What a week it has been so far, and not a good one in my book as far as eating and exercising has gone. On Sunday I made country fried steak, fried okra, green beans, rice and gravy made with the pan drippings. Yeah, granted that is a lot of food and a lot of fried food, but I haven't made this since I started this journey over a year ago and I know that having it just once isn't going to kill my "diet" or weight loss. But then Monday rolls around....I hit the gym like I normally do, did a pretty good cardio workout and did my legs...good so far, right? Then I went to my therapy appointment and afterwards I was hungry for lunch...I should have just drove home and had lunch there, but no I stop at Chick-fil-a. I got the chicken strip salad, that alone isn't that bad but I used to much dressing and I had a coke instead of the water I should have had. But I could have just finished the day out well with a good healthy dinner, but did I? Nope, we called in Outback ta…

Fabulous Weekend

I had a fabulous weekend of hanging out with friends and family. I got to hang out with some oh so fabulous ladies Friday morning with yummy treats and great conversation, then Friday night I went out with some more fabulous ladies to Downtown Charleston, went dancing at a couple of clubs, which I haven't done in I can't count how many years...though I did have more drinks than I had planned on, lol. But one of the biggest things I realized Friday night was that I no longer think of myself as "fat"....I couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror since it didn't seem real that it was me looking back out from the reflection. I was a little self conscious about dancing since I didn't think I was doing it very well but not from my weight....YIPEE!!!! I can't wait to go out with them again. I got to wear a top that I bought back in July with the jewelry I bought to go with it. It's the 1st time that I have gotten that dressed up in a long time. I ac…

Opinions Needed/Wanted....

So, through out this whole process of me dropping this weight my one want, my one hope would be that my legs would slim down. When I was at my highest weight I carried my weight pretty much all over my body, though my stomach was very big, but so were my legs, arms, and face. And as I have dropped the weight I have lost the weight in my face, arms and stomach, but I feel that my legs are still as big as ever. When trying on pants I don't necessarily worry so much as if they will fit in the waist or being too long since I'm short I know I will always run into problems there, lol. No, my worry is if the pants are going to fit over my calves and thighs. My wish is to be able to wear calf length or even knee high boots this fall and with the size of my legs that wish isn't going to be coming true any time soon. Plus I've noticed that I'm either going to need to stick with floor length or above the knee dresses as anything that falls in between make my legs look stumpy …

Thoughts on my weigh in today plus another random thought.

You know what the best thing about weight loss is: how the damn scale yo-yos back and forth with my weight....NOT!! One week I'm 149.2 and the next 150.2. Yes, I know the reasons why its back up to 150.2 and those reasons are: not really being as careful with my food this week, not getting in all of my workouts and the fact that my period is due to start some time this weekend, hence the not so carefulness of my eating. And yes, it's only a pound...but let me tell ya that pound is hard as shit to get off. I have spent the last 2.5 months working off 10 lbs.  I'm not terribly upset about the "gain" as I know what its from and there's a good chance that it will be gone by the end of the weekend. Yet, it's still so frustrating. 


I am one of "those" people who is a scale watcher and I have come to accept that. But I don't let the number on the scale determine how my day is going to go. I will still go to the gym and do my workout how I had planne…

That Ugly Fat Girl?

So I was taking a look at my past blogs the other day and I came across the blog I wrote back in April that showed my weight loss journey in pictures. And all I can say is OMG! That starting picture is so freaking horrendous. I can't believe that I actually thought I looked pretty weighing that much. I can't believe that my husband actually found me attractive then. And I can honestly say that I was not one of the pretty fat girls...I was just plain fat and ugly. Its funny what lies one's self will tell them to help them feel good about themselves. I look at myself then and then I look at myself now and can't even comprehend that they are the same person. I feel like I'm a completely different person now. I AM a completely different person now. 


But every once in a while I still look at myself I still see a fat, overweight, ugly person. Like today, I know I had just rocked it on the treadmill doing sprint intervals (definitely going to add that to my workout plan mo…

Determining Goal Weight?!?

So...I guess it has finally happened...I had someone at the gym today tell me that I look to be at a great size now. Yes, I'm so much further than when I started, pretty much half the size in clothing than when I started, but I just don't feel like I'm where I actually want to be. I thanked her and told her that I have about 20 more pounds to go. I guess I see myself differently than what others see. And I don't see the 240 lb women either...I just see someone who could still use the benefit of losing another 20 or so lbs. I'm not going to lie...I use my BMI as a big motivator...I want to be in the normal weight category and I'm about 15ish lbs away from that, but that would be at the high end and I want to be in the middle so that would mean for my height I need to be 120-125 lbs. But I'm not putting all my wanting just on the BMI scale since I know it doesn't take into consideration of muscle mass and bone structure, but that is where doing the BOD PO…

Wearing my new jeans out....

This afternoon I had a meeting with some of the other spouse's from my hubby's squadron. He has only been with this squadron since the middle of May and they have made me feel so welcomed, they are just a great group of ladies. Kinda off the point of this blog, but had to say it.

And since the weather has cooled down a little here in Southern SC I thought this would be a great time to wear my new jeans...I've had them for almost a month but its been to hot to wear them, lol. I hadn't even taken the tag off them and one of them said to wash before wearing since the dye might rub off onto light color fabrics. I was a little hesitant since most know that jeans have a tendency to be tight after being washed and dried...but I put them on anyway and the fit perfectly. I can't tell you how happy I am that I can officially say that I'm a size 8. Some days I don't even feel like that can be true. And at one point during the meeting we went into the break room where t…

Being sick and losing weight

I have been sick over the last couple of days....my body was achy and sore, like how you feel after lifting weights when you haven't in a long time, plus all I wanted to do was sleep all day. And then on the way home from my therapy appointment I started to shake uncontrollably. Plus I felt like I had a headache coming on from all the sleeping. I took a hot bath to help relieve some of the soreness from my body and took some Excedrin Back & Body and took another nap. I am so thankful that my two kids are older and that I was able to get the nap in while they played on the Xbox and in their rooms. I did feel bad because I was just not hungry nor up to cooking dinner, plus what I had planned to make the kids are too fond of, lol. But when I woke up I felt so much better...the achy feeling was gone, the headache feeling was gone and I was a little hungry.  I mentioned to my son that I was thinking of doing something light like PB toast and he offered to make it for me...just when…

Pitiful Ally Day...errrrr!!!

It's Monday afternoon and I have had one of those "suck it" days....where everything you think can go wrong does...in retrospect. 


Ever since my weigh in on Friday I have slowly gained weight...yes I know in reality that I really didn't gain the weight since I haven't eaten that many calories...except for maybe today and I have gotten to the gym to workout...two pretty damn good workouts in my opinion. 


But my feelings today have been pretty sucky. I have felt like crap really...like how I feel after taking a nap in the middle of the day, with a slight headache feeling. Might have been from getting up at 545 with the dog to take him out and then laying back down on the couch to "sleep" for another hour. So I thought that maybe getting to the gym and going for a run would be a way to help rid some of the crappy feeling. Yeah...well that didn't workout as plan. My knees were hurting a bit and my legs felt so heavy, like they were full of lead so I only …

BOD POD Results

So I just got back from my BOD POD test and I am happy with the way the results are going. I had my first test done on March 4, 2011, second on June 1, 2011 and this is my third. 


Stats:


March 4, 2011


Weight: 182.890 lbs
Fat Free Weight: 111.191 lbs
Fat Weight: 71.699 lbs
Body Fat Percentage: 39.2%


June 1, 2011


Weight: 170.034 lbs
Fat Free Weight: 107.324 lbs
Fat Weight: 62.71 lbs
Body Fat Percentage: 36.9%


September 1, 2011


Weight: 154.791 lbs
Fat Free Weight: 103.128 lbs
Fat Weight: 51.663 lbs
Body Fat Percentage: 33.4%


Results for 1st 3 months
Weight Loss: 12.856 lbs
Fat Free Weight Loss: 3.867 lbs
Fat Weight Loss: 8.989 lbs
% Difference: 2.3%


Results for 2nd 3 months
Weight Loss: 15.243 lbs
Fat Free Weight Loss: 4.196 lbs
Fat Weight Loss: 11.047 lbs
% Difference: 3.5%


Overall Results:
Weight Loss: 28.099 lbs
Fat Free Weight Loss: 8.063 lbs
Fat Weight Loss: 20.036 lbs
% Difference: 5.8% 


So in the last 6 months I have lost a total of 28 lbs (not as much as it is on my home scale, but about average for me overall)…

Plateau Anyone???

Yep its the evil word: Plateau!!!


I feel like I have been playing with the same 5-7 lbs over the last 2 months. I knew that getting closer to my final goal that it was going to be harder and harder to drop the weight. But I'm getting quite frustrated at seeing the same weight over and over every week. Yes, I'm happy that I have gotten this far along but I don't believe that this is where I am going to be the happiest. I want to be  in the 120's. I don't think its an unreachable goal considering I'm only 5'1.5" tall. I've already settled on knowing that I won't ever have a completely flat stomach, some to do with being overweight for so long and some to do with having two c-sections, without having to have surgery. I've already accepted that I'm going to have each skin on my arm and thighs, but I do believe that I deserve to be at a happy weight and to me that in the mid 120's. 


I am going for my bod pod test today at 3 and I believe I…

Thoughts of Others???

This has been on my mind over the last few days, if not more....


As I was walking through the gym the other day I started to wonder who there thought I was fat. And despite the fact that I have lost 90 lbs I still have those feeling of others judging the way I look. Like today, I was in the free weight room and was the only female in there for most of the time. And apart from a couple of older gentlemen all the other guys that were in there are very very fit, muscular. Not to sound conceited in any terms but I noticed as I was doing my different exercises that some of them were looking at me. And the reason I said that I was not being conceited because in my mind these guys were thinking: What the hell is SHE doing in here; even though most of them see me pretty much on a regular basis. I honestly don't know what they are saying as I can't read minds (only if I could, lol). Maybe if one of them would strike up a conversation with me I would get a better feel as to what they are…

The Ups and Downs of My Week....

Well, this week has been interesting. On Friday I had my weigh in and was down to 152 lbs. Not as much as I wanted to lose since it was only .6 of a pound from the week before but I chalked it up to me starting my period soon. But the weekend kicked my ass in the food department. I think the only half way decent day I had was Saturday. Plus I didn't workout on Sunday since my mother-in-law was in town for a short time and we wanted to hit the beach. In the past I have been able to work off the little bit of weight gain from the weekend by the time my weigh in hits but this time I haven't been able to. Even with it being TOM I still haven't seen this big of a gain. As of today, the day before my weigh in day, I'm up 2.6 lbs. I'm thinking some of it is TOM and some of it is muscle gain. I have noticed that over the last week or so as I was doing my weight lifting I have had to go up on weight and reps to get that "muscle fatigued" feeling. I go for my 3rd b…

Great News....

Great news, anyone?


As of last Friday's weigh in I'm only .2 lbs away from reaching the 90 lb lost mark!!! That means only 10 more pounds and I will have lost 100 lbs!!! Plus I bought my very pair of jeans in a single digit....size 8!! I also tried on this cute dress in a size Medium. Looking at it on the hanger I didn't think that it would fit, it would be too small...but it fit perfectly. The only down side was that it was a little long for my body type. Since I have bigger legs I need dresses that end above the knee and this ended below. I felt like it made me feel stumpy. But I know that I'm that much closer to finding a good dress for myself soon. 


My workouts are going better and better. I'm getting stronger and able to move up my weights and getting closer and closer to where I was before. I'm very happy that I'm able to get back to my squats and lunges with no lasting problems. One of my greatest fears is injuring myself to where I have to stop workin…

Update on "Doubts From A Mental Game"

I have been doing better the last couple days after I wrote my last blog. I'm up to eating about 1600-1700 calories a day since I'm burning about 1000 at the gym and I haven't had that hungry feeling. I do believe I was bored so I started to think about food which triggered my brain into thinking I was hungry. I ended up talking to my BF in New Mexico later that night and it totally got my mind off food. I need to start keeping my mind busy. So at least I know I'm not starving myself. 


I have even lost the couple of pounds that I gained from last weekends' eating. I know in reality that I didn't really gain those couple of pounds, that it was mostly water weight from the sodium from eating out a few times. But I can also say that as of today I'm down another 1.2 lbs but tomorrow is my official weigh in day...if my weight stays true (I know that it can shoot back up that it fluctuates daily, but I have been keeping a chart for the last 11 days and it seems to…

Doubts From A Mental Game.....

Could I be doing too much at the gym, calorie burning wise? Or could it be that the fact that I let myself eat whatever I wanted over the last two weekends screw my brain up: telling myself that I'm hungry when I'm not, that I HAVE eaten enough for the day? I'm thinking its more of the latter since I have done this type of workout before and been able to be satisfied with the amount I'm eating. In fact I'm eating more now than I did then. I really think this is a mental game right now. Last week I had no problem staying with this calorie range and I'm burning just as many calories as then. Maybe I'm just bored and don't have enough to keep my mind occupied, so I'm centering on food again. My kids start back to school in a week and when they do I'm setting myself up on a schedule as if I was working again. 
Sometimes I really hate this game that we have to play to find the right balance. Yes, it seems like I have been harping on finding that balan…

Motivating? Me? (and other random thoughts)

Who would have ever thought that I could be the type of person who motivates people to lose weight? Not me, that's for sure. But I guess I am. I received an email on Saturday from SparkPeople stating that I have been voted as a SparkPeople Motivator. I don't feel like I have done anything special to receive this status. I just got my A$$ off the couch and into the gym and sweated it off, along with eating better foods in smaller amounts. Anyone can do that, what's special about me? And that's where I need to stop thinking like that. I am special....everyone is special. And if what I'm doing is helping someone else then that's an added bonus. Don't get me wrong. I have no problems talking about what I'm doing or what I have done in the past. I just never thought anyone could use what that is and put it to use in their own lives to make a difference.


Also on Saturday I had a friend tell me that I'm looking great and smaller and smaller every time she s…

Weigh In Update and Other Great Surprises

So I had my weigh in today....I'm down 1.4 lbs for the week...it wasn't the 1.6-1.8 I was shooting for but I'm happy with it. It brings my weight loss down to a total of 88 lbs, that's only 2 lbs from 90 and puts me solidly in the mid 150's. I can definitely see me hitting my goal of being in the 140's by the time I go for my next Bod Pod test. So I'm still shooting for another 1.6-1.8 gone for next week. I'm still sticking with the higher calorie intake for the next week to see if what I'm doing is actually working or if it was just a fluke this week. 


One of my great surprises for the day came from my workout at the gym. I have had to put off doing squats and lunges due to some pain in my knee when I bent it at that angle, came from all my running (one of the reasons I backed off running so much). But since Tyler came home from his TDY and started back on swing shift I have been able to get to the gym without the kids in tow and get back to my weig…

Thoughts on my next weigh in....

I can't stop thinking about my weigh in tomorrow. Yes, after all this time and after all that I have accomplished over the last year I still look to the scale as a weigh of measuring my success. It's the way I'm wired. Do I get disappointed when I have a gain, yes slightly since most of the gains that I have had over the year have came from spending time in my home town. But I have never let any of them stop me from continuing on this journey. 


Then why am I so centered on this weigh in? I am down to losing the last 30 lbs and I have never been in this position before. And you always hear that the closer you are to reaching the ultimate goal the harder the pounds are to come off. I'm not looking to lose 2 lbs a week, I have hardly had those weeks....on average I lose about 1.6 lbs a week. Plus I have completely change my calorie intake to help with how many calories I'm burning at the gym. 


It's a scary thought that I need to eat anywhere from 1500-1800 calories …

August Goals

For the first time since starting this journey over 13 months ago I'm writing down goals that I want to meet for the month of August. I'm going to do my damnest to meet each of these but I know that if I don't I gave it my all and that it won't deter me from finishing my ultimate goal. So here goes nothing:


Daily Goals:
Drink at least 8 cups of Water
To eat in the calorie range of  1500-1800
To do a minimum of 30 with a maximum of 90 of Cardio


Weekly Goals:
To get in 6-7 days of cardio
To get in 4-6 days of weight lifting
To lose 1.6-1.8 lbs
To run 2-3 times


Monthly Goals:
To lose 6-7 lbs
To increase weight
To run 7 miles at least 2 times
To increase speed on running




The only goal I foresee giving me any trouble is the weight loss. I have noticed that since I'm about 75% done with my over all goal the weight is coming off slower and slower. I have been trying to do different workouts so that I don't get bored and my body doesn't get bored either. Right now I'm in t…