Could I be doing too much at the gym, calorie burning wise? Or could it be that the fact that I let myself eat whatever I wanted over the last two weekends screw my brain up: telling myself that I'm hungry when I'm not, that I HAVE eaten enough for the day? I'm thinking its more of the latter since I have done this type of workout before and been able to be satisfied with the amount I'm eating. In fact I'm eating more now than I did then. I really think this is a mental game right now. Last week I had no problem staying with this calorie range and I'm burning just as many calories as then. Maybe I'm just bored and don't have enough to keep my mind occupied, so I'm centering on food again. My kids start back to school in a week and when they do I'm setting myself up on a schedule as if I was working again.
Sometimes I really hate this game that we have to play to find the right balance. Yes, it seems like I have been harping on finding that balance. But my ultimate goal is to succeed at this weight loss. Not just to lose the weight but to maintain that loss for ever. I have a love of the gym and for running, so I don't see that changing, but I'm not going to lie. I have a huge fear of losing the weight and turning around and gaining it right back. I can finally say that I'm happy with the way I look, that I feel beautiful/pretty even when I'm soaking wet from all the sweat I just produce doing those amazing workouts. I don't mind looking at myself in the mirror now. I'm actually taking more care with myself by doing my hair and make up. That I actual care what clothes I put on. I want to look good not only for myself but for my husband as well. I no longer have the feeling that he is embarrassed by the way I look nor is he being teased or talked behind his back by the way I look from the guys he works with.
I really don't want to go back to that obese woman who was angry all the time. I know that since I was so unhappy with myself I held onto all the anger over everything that had happened to me for years. That was not a fun way to live for anyone in my family.
I have my mom coming in on Friday and I have several things I need to do around the house, along with my therapy appointment on Thursday, so my goal over the next couple of days is too keep as busy as I can so my mind is occupied with what I'm doing, not food. This mental game is not going to beat, I WILL beat it!