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Showing posts from 2013

Living Life?

I feel like I'm just floating through life and not really living it. Every day it's the same thing, get the kids up and out the door for school, have lunch with the hubby, kids and hubby come home from school/work, have dinner, hit the gym (most days)....rinse and repeat. I don't have anything that I'm excited about anymore. I used to be excited about going to the gym since I knew that I would be seeing the results in my body but for the last six months I have been losing and gaining the same 6-7 lbs over and over. Though I'm not giving up...I will get back to where I was a year and half ago. 

I need to find the happiness I had a year or so ago. Not that I don't have happy times, but on a regular basis I can't say that. Here's to looking more into myself and get past this floating feeling of life. 

The Past...

Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today...


So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me.

This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life. What I…

Perceptions....

Perception is a funny thing. Especially how we perceive ourselves. Lately I have a different perception of what I look like than what I actually look like. In my mind I still feel like what I did when I was 40 lbs lighter:


When in reality I actually look like this:

It might not be obvious to some but I can see the weight gain in my face, not to mention my whole body but I don't have any full body shots of what I look like now...I'm too embarrassed to take any. I really hate that when I get a look of myself in a mirror it's not the same imagine that I have in my head. It's very disappointing. But I have 2 choices: 1) stay this way and be happy with it or 2) kick my ass in gear and get the weight back off. And I choose option.....2!

This past week has helped a long way in getting the weight back off. I have kept my calories down and got my ass back in the gym. What is also helping is that I'm doing a Dietbet. I put in $25 dollars and bet that I could lose 4% of my start…

Just a Bit Stressed

Waiting games suck big time. We are waiting for our federal tax refund to hit our bank account and according to the IRS website the funds were sent to our bank yesterday. It's only been one day sent the money was sent so there isn't much to be worried about, but somehow someone hacked into our state system and stole information on those who filed state taxes and it can affect our return this year. That's a lot of money to be taken from us and it's what we are using to  jump start our savings for a house in the future along with trips with the family. I really shouldn't worry until next week since that is what the site said but I can't help how my brain thinks. More than likely it will show up tomorrow, at least that is what we are hoping for. But since I really can't do anything about it today I'm going to focus on what is positive. 

After my couple of pity party days I gained a bit of weight but over the last few days it has been coming off, woo hoo! An…

Pity Party Day

Really feel like a having a big ol' pity party for myself today. I have eaten so much crap and I keep going back to the pantry for more. I HATE days like this. Yeah, it's emotional eating. I'm stuck in my house pretty much day after day after day. The only times I really get out is when I go the gym and when I go to the commissary. Only having one car sucks, but we are hoping to change that status when we get our tax refund and we can get a cheap 2nd car. Not that I will really have any where to go with a 2nd vehicle, but at least I will have the option of leaving if I want to. I need to find a productive hobby that will help with my boredom. 

I'm also becoming bored at the gym with my workouts. I really need to find something that will make it interesting again. I usually go through this every couple of months but I always know that once I get going on my workout I feel so much better. But it really is my diet that is driving me crazy. Of course the only one in charge …

4 Weeks into the New Year

So I have been going strong on my weight loss for the last 4 weeks and I have had some really great results. I'm down 8 lbs as of Friday. My workouts have been good, though I am constantly looking for new ways to change up my cardio. Instead of just going for a run I have been doing some interval/sprints on the treadmill. I'm running at 6.0 for half of a quarter mile then walking for a quarter of the quarter mile. It averages out about the same minute per mile but it has helped my breathing, and gives me a really great sweat, so that's a great plus.

The downside this weekend hasn't been the greatest for my diet. Today has been a total fat food day. I have found a trigger meal for me that lends me to overeat and feel crappy for doing so. I told my husband that we won't be having this meal again for a while, not until I feel more in control of myself and my diet. Here's to taking it one day at a time.

Now that I'm done with the negative here's something fun…