Wednesday, January 15, 2014

2014 Update

It's been a while since I wrote a blog...almost a year in fact...

I have struggled so much with my weight over the last couple of years. I went from about 145 lbs up to 200 lbs. I'm back down in the 190's but so upset since I was so happy when I was in the 140s. I need to tighten my belt, for lack of better words, and get back to watching my diet and really and truly get back to counting calories since I know that works for me. 

What really is heart breaking for me is going up in size in clothing. I went from wearing a size 8 to a 14, now back down to 12. I hate buying new clothes when I ones I love just sitting in my closet now being worn.

The good thing this all is that I truly never gave up working out. I might have not been doing it at the intensity that I was in the past but that has change about 5 months ago. Five months ago I found CrossFit and fell in love. I have found through this program that it is very humbling and empowering. I have done more things that I have never thought I could do. 

Right now I'm having to find the balance between what I doing in CrossFit and what I'm eating since its more weight lifting than cardio, in my opinion. So starting this past week I have added a little bit more cardio in the mornings to help supplement my workouts. 

Like I said I'm back in a size 12 even though I have only lost between 5-10 lbs over the last 5 months...so I've lost inches and put on muscle. I really need to get back into the Bod Pod and I think that will give me a better idea of where my body is changing instead of looking at the scale alone because we all know a pound of fat weighs the same as a pound of muscle, muscle just takes up less space. I really need to get away from the scale and not putting so much emphasis on what I weigh and more what I look like and what I can do in the gym. 

So here are my goals for 2014:
Drop 2-3 clothing sizes
Master Double Unders
Master Box Jumps
Up the weight on: Deadlift; Front,Back, & Overhead Squats, Power/Squat Cleans, Power/Squat Snatches, Push Press, Push/Split Jerk
Cut 2 or more minutes off my mile average


                                                             Update Photo of ME!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Living Life?

I feel like I'm just floating through life and not really living it. Every day it's the same thing, get the kids up and out the door for school, have lunch with the hubby, kids and hubby come home from school/work, have dinner, hit the gym (most days)....rinse and repeat. I don't have anything that I'm excited about anymore. I used to be excited about going to the gym since I knew that I would be seeing the results in my body but for the last six months I have been losing and gaining the same 6-7 lbs over and over. Though I'm not giving up...I will get back to where I was a year and half ago. 

I need to find the happiness I had a year or so ago. Not that I don't have happy times, but on a regular basis I can't say that. Here's to looking more into myself and get past this floating feeling of life. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Past...

Funny how the past molds you into the person you are today...


So last night at dinner my son brought up fighting at school and during the conversation my husband asked me if I ever got into a fight at school, to which I told him yes; that when I was in middle school school some guy hit me and knocked me into a pole. Some how this led me to say that I end up having guys hitting me, which turned into a conversation of the person I was involved with before my husband and how he had so much control over me.

This guy was on constantly asking me where I was going, who I was going with, who I talking to; and at one point put his hands on me to the point of choking me out and pulling a gun on me and holding to me at gun point. Because of this guy I have major control issues, to the point where it has caused major problems in my marriage. I still have, not necessarily flashbacks, but when I hear certain songs or even catch a glimpse at someone I'm brought back to that time in my life. What I think threw me for a loop is that my husband asked me if I ever wanted to see this guy again. Why in the world would I ever want to see him, other to go up to him and tell him that my life is 100 times better now. Though I don't think I ever will do that, in fact if I ever do see him I would probably turn and go the other way. Though thankfully I don't think that I will ever see him again since I no longer live in my home town. 

My point is that what happens to us in our past, wither we were the ones who cause it or it happened to us, molds us into the people we are today. And I whole heartily believe that I am who I am because of my past. I'm better with my control issues since I have gotten into therapy. And out of all that I keep a tight control on I've never did on my eating...it's the one place that has been completely out of control. Maybe I need to let go of control in some areas and focus it on my eating. 

Sorry if this is a bunch of rambling, but its just the thoughts that have been running through my head over the last day....

Now I'm off to the gym....Later Dayz!!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Perceptions....

Perception is a funny thing. Especially how we perceive ourselves. Lately I have a different perception of what I look like than what I actually look like. In my mind I still feel like what I did when I was 40 lbs lighter:


When in reality I actually look like this:

It might not be obvious to some but I can see the weight gain in my face, not to mention my whole body but I don't have any full body shots of what I look like now...I'm too embarrassed to take any. I really hate that when I get a look of myself in a mirror it's not the same imagine that I have in my head. It's very disappointing. But I have 2 choices: 1) stay this way and be happy with it or 2) kick my ass in gear and get the weight back off. And I choose option.....2!

This past week has helped a long way in getting the weight back off. I have kept my calories down and got my ass back in the gym. What is also helping is that I'm doing a Dietbet. I put in $25 dollars and bet that I could lose 4% of my starting weight in 4 weeks. I just hit half way last Friday and only have 2.2 lbs to go in 14 days, which is completely attainable. Yes, I would love to win more money than just my $25 dollars back but the biggest pay off is that the weight I lost and getting happy again. 

So here's to losing some more weight and getting stronger over the next couple of weeks, along with getting back to a happy for me weight.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Just a Bit Stressed

Waiting games suck big time. We are waiting for our federal tax refund to hit our bank account and according to the IRS website the funds were sent to our bank yesterday. It's only been one day sent the money was sent so there isn't much to be worried about, but somehow someone hacked into our state system and stole information on those who filed state taxes and it can affect our return this year. That's a lot of money to be taken from us and it's what we are using to  jump start our savings for a house in the future along with trips with the family. I really shouldn't worry until next week since that is what the site said but I can't help how my brain thinks. More than likely it will show up tomorrow, at least that is what we are hoping for. But since I really can't do anything about it today I'm going to focus on what is positive. 

After my couple of pity party days I gained a bit of weight but over the last few days it has been coming off, woo hoo! And the weird thing is that I'm not hitting the gym as hard as I have in the past, for instance I didn't get but 15 minutes in on Sunday since my legs were still tired from the week before, only did about 45 minutes on Tuesday ( I went to the gym later in the day than normal and in was packed with a bunch of wanna be show offs [ not the same as those who made resolutions to lose weight this year]). My goal of the month is to get as close to the mid 170's as possible. I have backed off on my running since I am in real need of some new running shoes, which I hope to get really soon. 

Ty and I were talking over the weekend, and he asked me a question that I have been asking myself too. Why was it so much easier to lose the weight when I started back in 2010 than it is this go around. The only thing I can say is that I haven't given up completely. I think some of it is from being dissatisfied in certain areas of my life. Some are in my control and others are in other peoples control. So I'm going to just keep plugging along until I reach where I want to be. Just hoping I don't have another 40 lb set back. 

Later Dayz


Monday, January 28, 2013

Pity Party Day

Really feel like a having a big ol' pity party for myself today. I have eaten so much crap and I keep going back to the pantry for more. I HATE days like this. Yeah, it's emotional eating. I'm stuck in my house pretty much day after day after day. The only times I really get out is when I go the gym and when I go to the commissary. Only having one car sucks, but we are hoping to change that status when we get our tax refund and we can get a cheap 2nd car. Not that I will really have any where to go with a 2nd vehicle, but at least I will have the option of leaving if I want to. I need to find a productive hobby that will help with my boredom. 

I'm also becoming bored at the gym with my workouts. I really need to find something that will make it interesting again. I usually go through this every couple of months but I always know that once I get going on my workout I feel so much better. But it really is my diet that is driving me crazy. Of course the only one in charge of my diet is me. I'm the one who does all the food shopping, all the food planning, all the food cooking. I need to get excited about fun, new ways of cooking food again. Plus I just need to buckle down and stay within my calories. I did it for close to 2 years, so I know it's possible. We are also looking at replacing our grill so that will make me happy so that we can grill more food, to me it just taste better grilled, lol.

Right now I feel all I'm doing is talking and not putting any actions behind my words. I need to get my butt off the couch and do something! 


I do have something to look forward to: once my husband and I have some extra cash we are going to go on a date, to a nice restaurant and maybe to a bar to relax away from the house and the kids. We actually need to set this up for a once a month thing. 

Later Dayz

Saturday, January 26, 2013

4 Weeks into the New Year

So I have been going strong on my weight loss for the last 4 weeks and I have had some really great results. I'm down 8 lbs as of Friday. My workouts have been good, though I am constantly looking for new ways to change up my cardio. Instead of just going for a run I have been doing some interval/sprints on the treadmill. I'm running at 6.0 for half of a quarter mile then walking for a quarter of the quarter mile. It averages out about the same minute per mile but it has helped my breathing, and gives me a really great sweat, so that's a great plus.

The downside this weekend hasn't been the greatest for my diet. Today has been a total fat food day. I have found a trigger meal for me that lends me to overeat and feel crappy for doing so. I told my husband that we won't be having this meal again for a while, not until I feel more in control of myself and my diet. Here's to taking it one day at a time.

Now that I'm done with the negative here's something funny...back in December I bought a new pair of workout pants. They're longer than the ones I have had (have now since I had to replace them). The funny thing is that the right leg rides up whereas the left one stays in place. So either there is something off with the pants or there is something off with my legs.  I'm going to go with it's the pants. But I like the pants since they make my legs look good.


Later Dayz