So I was taking a look at my past blogs the other day and I came across the blog I wrote back in April that showed my weight loss journey in pictures. And all I can say is OMG! That starting picture is so freaking horrendous. I can't believe that I actually thought I looked pretty weighing that much. I can't believe that my husband actually found me attractive then. And I can honestly say that I was not one of the pretty fat girls...I was just plain fat and ugly. Its funny what lies one's self will tell them to help them feel good about themselves. I look at myself then and then I look at myself now and can't even comprehend that they are the same person. I feel like I'm a completely different person now. I AM a completely different person now.
But every once in a while I still look at myself I still see a fat, overweight, ugly person. Like today, I know I had just rocked it on the treadmill doing sprint intervals (definitely going to add that to my workout plan more often). But then I had gotten on the weight machines to do some leg work and all I could see was the fat roll around my stomach and how ugly I looked. I absolutely HATE thinking this way about myself. I have come too far to keep thinking this way but then I keep thinking: "How much longer is it going to take until I'm at the happy weight?" It has has taken me so long to lose these last 10 lbs that I'm getting more and more frustrated with myself. I'm having more and more days where I just don't want to go to the gym and workout. I really want to go to any natural skinny person and say FU! Yes, I know that isn't rational and nice and it's isn't like I'm really going to say it. So to help stop these thoughts from taking over in my head and accidentally coming out..mainly the FU one, lol, I'm going to go back to that first picture of that person who I no longer know, then look at the most recent picture of me so I can SEE the results of everything I have done. Sometimes its takes seeing to start believing!!
But every once in a while I still look at myself I still see a fat, overweight, ugly person. Like today, I know I had just rocked it on the treadmill doing sprint intervals (definitely going to add that to my workout plan more often). But then I had gotten on the weight machines to do some leg work and all I could see was the fat roll around my stomach and how ugly I looked. I absolutely HATE thinking this way about myself. I have come too far to keep thinking this way but then I keep thinking: "How much longer is it going to take until I'm at the happy weight?" It has has taken me so long to lose these last 10 lbs that I'm getting more and more frustrated with myself. I'm having more and more days where I just don't want to go to the gym and workout. I really want to go to any natural skinny person and say FU! Yes, I know that isn't rational and nice and it's isn't like I'm really going to say it. So to help stop these thoughts from taking over in my head and accidentally coming out..mainly the FU one, lol, I'm going to go back to that first picture of that person who I no longer know, then look at the most recent picture of me so I can SEE the results of everything I have done. Sometimes its takes seeing to start believing!!
This girl no longer exists and never will again!
Only this version and better versions of this girl will exists from now on!
You have made amazing progress thus far. Don't discount it. <3
ReplyDeleteDude, I feel you. Because my metabolism is so messed up, when I'm sick and can't work out, even though I eat right, it messes everything up. But you know, a loss is still a loss and you're at the poking that it's going to be harder. Don't give up. Don't quit.
ReplyDeleteAnd, that happy weight where you're 100% happy with your body, doesn't exist. You will always find flaws. Always. The trick is to learn to love those flaws, or at the very least, accept them.